"I'm gonna quit writing..."

 

 

 

7:15 pm

Knox,

I'm near the tallest lamp post on the sidewalk. 

Waiting... 

Where are you? This place is crowded with too many cars, can't spot yours  😞

No sooner have I fired the texts than I notice gray dots linger on the left bottom of the screen. And they keep lingering...for one second and then the other and another - my heartbeat speed shoots up high with every passing second until I hear honking from a familiar car and it gets normal.

I open the already-open door for me a little wider and make myself comfortable in the seat next to the driver's seat. 

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Knox says as an acknowledgment.

"No problemo! Where are we teleporting to?" 

He laughs hard and answers with half words and half laughter. "it's umm...surprise!" 

"Okay, I can see the route" I laugh at how naive Knox could be sometimes.

"uh-oh! erm...continue reading that novel you're hiding then; to keep your eyes off the road and on the surprise!"

I flush. I hadn't consciously known until now, that I had been carrying "Book about self" written by Knox himself; all along.

'Inspired by my life...' I begin to read and I hadn't even gone any further than four words when...

Knox clears his throat and declares that he's gonna quit writing. The sudden news hits me like an electric charge with super high voltage but I manage to keep my voice calm.

More than two words would make my anxiety seem quite obvious so I go for the shortest words and tone which sounds calmer than I intended. 

"Why though?"

He keeps it silent for so long that it makes me believe he's sad and gives me a new reason to worry- What if he cries? I've never been able to cheer up people when they're at their worst. Partly because it gets the worst of me too. 

But he keeps himself together, swallows hard, and answers, "Because I see my characters get into life. I see them. They become real." 

If he was trying to be poetic, I couldn't tell.

I try my lightest tone and touch the heaviest topic. "Do you think you shall see someone?" I was referring to a psychiatrist vaguely.

" I am seeing many characters, that is the problem" it's not that he didn't know who I was referring to but he was avoiding the subject. I let it slide. But I couldn't let go of the topic so easily either. 

I switch the music from pop to ambient. As if that would help me think better. 

I keep it low, and slow...calm even as I ask, "So tell me again, what do you see?" 

He laughs so hard that it makes me tip my seat backward. 

"Are you trying to hypnotize me? The slow-boring music and then this- the way you said it" 

The slow-boring-ambient music is interrupted by pop music and I'm glad for the distraction.

"Your phone"

"what?"

"Your phone" he repeats.

oh! the sudden pop music was my ringtone. My brain felt numb. I instinctively decline the call and ask again, 

"Why are you quitting writing? The real reason please, else I might need to get into my psychiatrist mode again and you are not gonna like it" I mean it as a friendly threat but my words feel like a joke even to me. 

Again the pop music pops its head in right when I'm in the middle of giving someone such a cinematic threat. I decline the call. 

"Maybe you wanna answer that first" 

"Nah, it can wait" I know very well, that the call will only avoid this discussion. 

"so tell me, why?" I look at Knox like he's a mystery novel and I'm at its last chapter.

"I have already told you" the coldness in his voice gave me chills and I feel like I'm back to page one of the mystery novel.

Just then, my phone gets back to life- ringing. I roll my eyes and grab the phone reluctantly. 

The call's missed by the time I reach for it but I see just enough to note whom it was from. 

7:15 pm

me: Where are you? This place is crowded with too many cars, can't spot yours 😞

Unread messages

Knox: I can neither!!! My sis grabbed the keys probably :( I'm so sorry, can't make it...

To be continued...