On the 'Other Side of Fame'

 

 

My entire house shimmered with the mild glow of golden candles. Some rested along the dining area while some were left loose from the ceiling, just the way Vaidehi liked. The holy aroma of essence sticks added life to the ambience and the aartis completed the festive vibes. Everything, starting from the menu for dinner to the detailed decorations in the backyard was the fruit of Vaidehi's enthusiastic efforts. 

While I was on the verge of finishing the rangoli near the entrance gate, in came a gorgeous girl of eighteen whom no one could stop looking at. Vaidehi had this naturally graceful charm in her which I admittedly envied. But hey! It's not like I was the only one- 

It was hard to not notice how perfect she was. Besides her academic record being a dream-come-true, she was also an excellent artist with marvelous paintings and a skillful dancer with authentic moves. Her life was the definition of perfection in a lot more ways than just one. 

For instance, the way everyone in the family talked about her for hours while I doubt they even knew my name. 

As she helped rest of the aunties cook in the kitchen, I waited for her to do my hairstyle for the grand night. It's the kind of elder sister thing that goes without saying. Elder sister equals hairstylist period. 

I waited patiently for over an hour and then lost my calm. Guests had started arriving and I was a complete mess. Had my perfect sister just ditched me?

I searched in the entire bungalow but there was no sign of her, even the backyard was empty. As I anxiously walked barefoot on the lawn making calls to the elders reporting that Vaidehi was missing, I heard faint sobs. 

When I reached towards them, I was sure the voice belonged to my sister except, she was no where to be seen. Just a letter was left behind. 

Impulsively, without having the manners to check whom it was for I began reading it. 

***

I heard two boys talk about me today. They'd heard about a rumor too embarrassing and humiliating to even mention here. Agitated, I asked them what they were talking about. "None of your business" said one. 

 

"If anything, my life is none of YOUR business" I snapped and they both froze, not knowing that the person standing in front of them was the one they were spreading filthy rumors about. This wasn't the only time I had experienced something similar. When at school, people would freely gossip about me as I went through the corridors. To be clear, these weren't my enemies. In fact, I never even knew these people and obviously never wronged them. I always failed to understand why they would do something as horrible as spreading ridiculous rumors about me. 

 

It arose self doubt in me and I no longer felt comfortable showing up in public. Every public gathering was the same. People staring at me like they had never seen a human before, analyzing every detail about my face and passing comments when I really, really wanted them to shut up.

 

Mistakes were never a choice for me, I was either going to have to be perfect to be at par with the world or be labeled "dumb beauty" every time I did something wrong. 

 

My friends were only my friends to gain the benefit of my popularity. And my best friends only stood by me to know my secrets, just so they could be the first ones to spill them. 

 

And now, even my family would act weird. Like they just loved this face I carried.

 

It really hurts how no one thinks of how bad I want to blend in the crowd once, without being in the spotlight all the time. It hurts how my emotions need to be curbed so no one can find out how miserably unwell I am on the inside. 

 

And the worst part is, how no one understands or even takes the efforts to understand.  

 

I've been living in a world all along where I cannot name one person who knows the real me. It is beyond lonely sometimes. But I've had enough. I'm putting an end to this stupidity today. 

 

Just how wrong I had been in understanding my sister, I thought. I wouldn't stop crying until I saw her running towards god-knows-where. My urgent voice stopped her in her tracks. 

"Please don't hurt yourself. If not for you, for me. There's this little sister of yours who's the mini version of you. Don't set this as an example for her!" 

 

 ***

In the same month, after the auspicious festive night turned into a nightmare, Vaidehi's parents consulted a psychiatrist for her after reading that letter she left in the backyard. 

She sure was depressed and needed the treatment. But she wasn't the only one who did. Every single person gossiping about her, trying to defame her, disparaging her just because they could never be as good as her and even worse, using her for their own benefits, needs special attention and medical help. People with such unhealthy attitudes make others' lives miserable. 

 

We can't go out there and change everyone's mindset overnight, but we can make sure that we aren't one of those nuisances. If every individual takes up this responsibility,  future 'Vaidehi's won't feel pressurized to rather kill themselves than live in the hellhole people have created for them.