7 Things Love Is Not

 

7 things love is not

Love- A four letter word that makes up 33% of books sold in mass-market. Romance novels alone generate over $1.44 billion in revenue, making romance the highest-earning genre of fiction. Note the emphasis on fiction. While we enjoy devouring romantic reads, we are holding on to an idea of love that is entirely fictional. Frankly, I have no idea what love is, but here are 7 elaborated points for what I am certain love is not :

1. Everything 

Love is not your everything.

Your world is infinite, encompassing a vibrant spectrum of emotions, experiences, people and adventures. It is the books you read, the ones who matter to you, the places you love to visit, your hobbies, your work and so much more. Your world should not revolve around one person. It isn't cute, it’s an obsession. 

2. All inclusive 

Your partner might be your favorite person but that doesn’t mean you don’t need other people, and it certainly doesn’t imply he should feel the need to make up for the lack of meaningful connections in your life. You will want a bestfriend, a sister, a parent just as much. Expecting your partner to care for you like a parent, joke with you like a bestie and watch rom-coms with you like a sister isn’t dating, it’s copy pasting pieces of others onto your partner for your convenience. 

3. Thrilling 

True love, after a point, is straight up boring. To explicitly make it thrilling if games are played by either side, it’s bound to weaken trust. Trust plays a vital role in any relationship. A relationship without trust is like a phone without a sim card. And what do we do with such a phone? We play games. 

4. A fairytale

Relationships require conscious effort to make things work. They aren’t a cure to any of your pre-existing problems but a cause for new ones. The question is, who is worth the pain? 

5. Validation 

Love should never be mistaken for a token of self worth. Someone’s attention or interest in you will never fill the void your insecurities have created in your mind. You would have to work on building your self image on your own.

 An insecure person wouldn’t miss the gleam in your eyes when you looked at him but the sense of being seen. Such a person isn’t looking for someone special but someone who would make him feel special. 

6. Enough to sustain a relationship 

Apart from the obvious logical factors required to sustain a relationship such as money, a decent problem solving quotient is critical. No amount of L bombs and surprise gifts can make your relationship issues disappear. They might be successfully pushed under the carpet for the time being, but you will have to address them eventually. 

7. Draining

As exhausting as I made it sound in the previous points, love isn’t draining. It does require effort but that’s a two sided effort. It comes with its issues but you never have to deal with them alone. So yes, it’s hard but bearable with your partner by your side. The moment it starts feeling anything but, you aren’t in love- you’re in an energy sucking, emotionally draining toxic project that will never yield results (good results, anyway).

If you take anything from this write up, let it be this- never settle for a relationship that weighs you down in the name of love. That being said, refrain from keeping unrealistic expectations of the idea. 

Let it consume you, body and soul, only to give you wings right after.