Chapter 3. Water lilies

3.Water lilies

It’s 3 a.m. and I’ve given up on trying to sleep. Because everytime I do, I hear my screams. Helpless and hopeless. Desperate cries of help that will always ring in my ears. 

The whole night is basically about me shifting sides and my bed creaking beneath me every time I do. 

“Cam?” I asked, to the darkness in my room. 

“I miss you. I miss how you made me feel like I wasn’t a bad person. Like I had the potential to improve. And that I deserved to be treated better than being tagged as ‘illegitimate’. I miss your smile, your jokes, your presence. Everything you said, everything you didn’t. I miss you everyday, every moment. And above all…I miss us. I miss what we were together. Our talks, our time spent together. Our life after we met each other” 

I didn’t hear a response. But I’m not quite sure what else I was expecting. 

At around 7 a.m. I got up to leave. As I cycled towards my destination, I recalled every little detail of that day crystal clear. 

~~~

My sister dreamt of stopping human trafficking entirely. After listening to what happened to our mother, she was firm about bringing in a change. So that no other girl suffered what our mother did. She was even successful in removing the practice from her city. She went into politics and made further changes. But as she progressed, she became a threat to many. Many evil monsters. She received rape threats, death threats and even threats saying they’ll kidnap me. 

One such threat had arrived that evening. It said they’ll shoot me that night. I was only sixteen at the time. Unaware of any of the “sweet letters” coming my way. 

All I knew was that it was Cam’s birthday and I had to meet him at a place we could be alone. I went there and instantly knew that we certainly weren’t alone.

Me and Cam had decided to meet in a place where nobody could spot us in the range of a few kilometres. Nobody was supposed to be around as it was a construction site and the workers were on strike. I could hear loud footsteps behind me but was too scared to turn around. At the time, all I could think of was some auntie finding out about my boyfriend and wanting to give me a nice, long lecture. How naive of me. 

 I hid in the darkness behind one of the shelves in the pitch dark room. I tried to shift towards the other end where Cam was. But I could never reach him in time. All I heard was a gunshot. It hit me then what all the fuss was about. That bullet was for me, in my fate. Accidentally in Cam’s body now. Cam, my Cam. Those innocent eyes, that bright smile, all frozen in the past forever. 

I was late. Too late. Maybe if I had sprinted a little faster…Maybe if I hadn’t agreed on finalising an abandoned meeting place…Maybe if we weren’t in the wrong place at the wrong time…

Yeah, see? Maybes. 

Meaningless, pointless, empty maybes was all the hope I had. 

And, ofcourse…

           Him. 

~~~

I saw him today after a pretty long time. I reached where I wanted to but never had the guts. I murmured rushed apologies, words melting into each other. “I promise I’ll give you justice, Cam” 

“Love you” I said, as I kept the pretty water lilies in front of Cam’s tombstone and cycled my way to my next destination. This journey was gonna be long, tiring, and painful. But I’ll do this. I have to swim. 

For Cam, I have to swim.