Thinkle

1. Maybe  I stared at the dead rabbit on my lawn for a bit too long. It had fresh deep cuts shaped by sharp, savage teeth. Blood poured over to the cement floor and reached below my shell-shocked body.  In my reflection in the blood, I could see it again. Unshakable, undeniable, tangible regret looking at me in the eye.  Maybe if I had reached a few minutes early, I would have been able to save a life. Maybe if I hadn’t just spent an hour on the bed, crying, I’d have reached downstairs in time.  Maybe. My life has been a lot about ‘maybe’s lately. Maybe if I visited my mother on her birthday for once, she might think of me as a  lesser awful daughter. Maybe if I left early for work, I wouldn’t break traffic rules. Maybe if I wasn’t in the wrong place at the wrong time… It just went on and on.  I cycled through my lawn, making sure I didn’t crush the rabbit. I then went past the neighbourhood, towards the city side.  The sun was like a dab of blush on t...

  2.Did you know? “How did it go?” Cam asked.  “Not an ideal first day of college” “Oh” I gave him a sad smile. He returned it too. In that moment, we said everything without words. Everything about how he was sorry my classmates found out, about how I knew I would never really be accepted in society, about how it felt to be illegitimate. Everything. It’s fascinating just how much a sad smile can hide.  As we were crossing the footpath beside one of those beautiful ponds in the city, he asked me pointing at the water lilies “Lara? Did you know water lilies lasted for only three to five days?”  Cam was sad. I knew it since he would throw random facts my way whenever he was. His way of coping up, I assumed.  “No, I didn’t know that.” ~~~ “Hello?!” yelled the young man in the floral shop in the North-west valley.  He seemed to have been calling my name for a while now but I didn’t realise.  “Yeah, sorry. Can I have a bouquet of blue water lilies please?”...

3.Water lilies It’s 3 a.m. and I’ve given up on trying to sleep. Because everytime I do, I hear my screams. Helpless and hopeless. Desperate cries of help that will always ring in my ears.  The whole night is basically about me shifting sides and my bed creaking beneath me every time I do.  “Cam?” I asked, to the darkness in my room.  “I miss you. I miss how you made me feel like I wasn’t a bad person. Like I had the potential to improve. And that I deserved to be treated better than being tagged as ‘illegitimate’. I miss your smile, your jokes, your presence. Everything you said, everything you didn’t. I miss you everyday, every moment. And above all…I miss us. I miss what we were together. Our talks, our time spent together. Our life after we met each other”  I didn’t hear a response. But I’m not quite sure what else I was expecting.  At around 7 a.m. I got up to leave. As I cycled towards my destination, I recalled every little detail of that day crystal clea...

He stood behind the threshold  between his new life and old Old, was bit dull but just fine and new, was all bright sunshine  He paused midway, conflicted and sad for leaving behind every experience he had  every thought which in his mind once crossed would now just become a lesson lost God read his mind, understood his concern and blessed the man with a bag for every lesson he had to learn The man was elated, he finished packing his experience  but as he moved towards the door he started missing convenience So he stuffed in his bag  his entire comfort zone  then left for the door but saw his habits sitting alone Unable to resist he packed them too and took his step towards everything new With h is bag on his back, the weight was weighing him down as before his new life had a chance to unfold he collapsed by the weight without ever reaching the threshold...

      "Parul!"   "PARUL FAST!!"   "FOR GOD'S SAKE PARUL, RUN FASTER!!!"   It takes everything in Aditi and Armita to not jump out of the moving bus, lift me to my knees and cart me back to the bus. They have to understand it's also taking everything in me to not faint right on the spot.  I'm panting so hard my lungs hurt. My whole body is aching with pain I never knew I had it in me to bear. Regardless, I find myself running at my best speed towards a bus.  And surprise! I make it to the bus.      The moment I get in, Armita and Aditi pull me into a tight hug like they almost thought they'd lost me forever. I would be lying if I said I didn't think the same too.  I inhale a deep breath and close my eyes chanting 'it's over, it's fine now, I'm fine and so are my friends. God, thank you' on loop.  No amount of I'm fines could ever make me believe that though. ' Cause I'm SO not fine.   About an hour ago m...